"Cyber Dating - It's not easy to love"

Have you dipped your toes in cyber dating? Allowed the cyberwaters to pull you in? Are you floating or getting knocked down and dragged about in the undertow?

As you test out whether or not online dating is a byway that suits you, you’ll find yourself going through some interesting stages along the way. Kinda like you might experience with a regular relationship – from lust to infatuation to confusion to disgust and everything in between. There will be moments of glee and moments of misery. The thing to learn, whether you’re dallying with your computer or another person, is that if you don’t have patience and understanding, success will be fleeting.

So take a look below. If you’re a veteran online dater, see if you’ve experienced the following relationship stages with your keyboard and screen and if your journey makes better sense to you after reading. If you’re a cyber-dating newbie, you may be in the throes of these stages right now – in which case, we’re just in time to save you from yourself.

Cyber Dating Stage #1
I Lust You
You have acquainted yourself with cyber dating, perhaps too intimately. You are so drawn to the idea of the computer magically generating the love connection of your dreams that it’s all you can do to stay away from your online dating site(s) of choice. You check your inbox when you wake up, you update your profile constantly, you spend hours surfing potential matches.

In the lust stage, you have banked all your hopes and dreams for the future on online dating. Everyone online seems to be a shiny new possibility. You’re clicking with them before you even actually speak with them. You love your online dating site and no one can convince you otherwise.

The good vibes are flowing. You and cyber dating are building your future together. You have hope – the elusive feeling of hope that you never thought you’d feel again. Live it. Enjoy it. Make the most of it while you can because before long…

Cyber Dating Stage #2
Say What?
Suddenly your online dating site is a weasel, a cheater, a maker of false promises. There is no one new to choose from. You’ve spent hours perfecting your profile and posting great pictures and all you’re getting in response are inquiries from total freaks, losers, players, and people who are not serious about love at all. You’re wondering whether you should stick it out with cyber dating or just cut your losses.

You may be feeling uncomfortable about your decision to attempt online dating. You may be embarrassed by the idea of it. You may be ashamed that you haven’t had the kind of luck you were hoping for… yet. Who says you’re not going to have that luck? We think you can – if you check your attitude at the log-in and give this adventure a real shot.

Your less-than-stellar online record so far is not a sign that you should give up and listen to karma. Hear us out. Step back for a moment and evaluate why you chose online dating in the first place. It’s perfectly OK to question your choices and reconsider. You want to meet that one right person, yes? You’re not looking for umpteen dates or a lot of screwing around – you want love. True, soulful, heart-pounding love. With one person.

So take a deep breath and vow to give this thing a real shot and not throw away all the effort you’ve already expended. It’s only been a week or two. You gotta have doubts and work through them before you can relish true success (remember this valuable bit of wisdom when you’re in a relationship too).

Cyber Dating Stage #3
You're a Rock Star
And then, a turning point. A moment of revelation. Your dalliance with cyber dating has come through for you and you are a devotee through and through. You’ve made a few good love connections and had some decent dates. You may have even had some really ridiculous dates, but you are accepting of the fact that you have to take the sweet with the sour.

You trust your online dating service unconditionally and believe that the leap of faith you took is finally beginning to pay off. The hope is back, and you never know who might be on the other end of that next wink, flirt, email, or instant message. Just don’t fall into a too comfy and trustworthy space where you don’t keep up with your end of the bargain – if you don’t give your site of choice anything to work with, it can’t help you out. So update, add photos, change things up. Keep the “relationship” spicy, you know?

Cyber Dating Stage #4
The End... or the Beginning
When you reach this final stage with cyber dating, you’re in one of three situations:

1. You honestly feel that your true love can be found through cyber dating so you’re willing to dig in your heels until it happens.
2. You are ready to cut ties with your dating service because you have found someone worth getting to know.
3. Or you have come to a place where you know that you have given your all but that online dating is just not right for you (kind of like that relationship you hate to leave, but know it’s better for you if you do). It’s OK. Your definitive counterpart is still out there and you have not wasted your time fooling around with cyber dating.

We hope of course that no matter where you end up, you never consider your online episode to be a waste of time. You’ve gotten to know yourself better in the process and, we hope, someone else very significant as well.

Online dating is the new way to date. People do it. It’s the norm. So don’t feel like a freak if you join up. And don’t feel like a failure if you decide to leave it behind. Just don’t allow your inhibitions to get in the way of possible success, because it could come when you least expect it, whether through cyber dating or another avenue.

Always keep in mind that being too eager or too unyielding at any point in any relationship – not just with cyber dating – things can go bust. Have trust, limit your expectations, and keep your eyes open for red flags.