"Dating Online or Offline?"

(Smart daters do both)

The process of dating online is what we like to call pre-dating. Everything you’re learning about a person online is just that – it’s what they’ve chosen to share with you through your online dates, nothing more, nothing less. You can easily connect with someone on a cerebral level this way, but you have no clue at this point if the two of you have any legit chemistry, if you’ll be the kind of couple who can have a meaningful conversation over dinner and then hungrily tear each others’ clothes off afterward.

You could meet in person and be repulsed by his teeth. Done. Next. You could meet in person and be completely offended by her vulgar language. Done. Next. Those terms of endearment and flattering head shots that you shared with each other online mean zip, zilch, nada at this point. And if you spent hours and hours getting to know this guy or gal by dating online before meeting in person, then that’s your first big, fat mistake. Time wasted, only to discover that – in person – you aren’t each others’ Bella Swan and Edward Cullen after all.

Here’s the thing, when you meet someone the “regular” way – at a club, party, supermarket, bookstore, etc. – it’s all about looks, to start. Given the time and opportunity, you may get to talking and realize, “Hey, I dig how this person thinks.” So you’ve got the hots for them physically and mentally – nice. If you decide to get together for a date after this initial meeting, you get another opportunity to determine if there is real compatibility between you. Never forget how successful dating online is for millions of people (we know you know someone who’s met through dating online).

This process is reversed when dating online. Sure, that initial attraction may be present online, but its depth is sorely lacking – the real sweating, breathing, can’t-get-enough-of-you chemistry just can’t exist at the pre-dating stage. They may look like a stunner in their profile photo, but you can have the hots for Johnny Depp or Angelina Jolie too… that doesn’t mean you know jack about them, or that you’d have any genuine chemistry if you were in the same room together.

You may insist of your latest online obsession, “We totally have chemistry – we think the same way, have the same beliefs, are interested in the same thing.” Ok, fine, but while you may have things in common, the idea of chemistry at this point in your connection is an illusion – it is honest-to-goodness smoke and mirrors. True physical and mental chemistry cannot be determined by drooling over someone’s photo or being intrigued by their profile.

When you meet someone online, those butterflies you’re experiencing signify the potential compatibility you may have with them – the pre-dating stage of dating online. At this point, all you can do is hope that the interest you have for your online dates will translate into a real attraction once you meet in person and spend time together.

Now, once you meet, you might feel like you know the person, and if they do one thing out of order with your vision of them, you might give up. Restrain yourself from hightailing it away from them immediately. Once you meet for real, the chemistry still might take a few dates (offline dates, not online dates) to show itself. You, as an individual, have your own specific set of needs when it comes to chemistry. If none of the “right” things happen on the first date, consider giving it another go with them anyway. Some people just suck at first impressions – and that is what this first date is: a first impression. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been gabbing online for two months or two days, you’ve never met them before. They may be feeling shy, awkward, or just having a bad day. You’ll find out more on a second date and be able to better determine if that potential for chemistry truly exists or not.

Initial Meeting or Full-Blown Courtship?
All right, so the magical day has arrived. You’ve decided to meet face-to-face with your cyber-dude or cyber-chick to determine if that dating online magic is bona fide. So here’s a new lesson to learn: you both have expectations about the meeting, and they may very well be unrealistic expectations on both your parts. Online dates taken offline mean you must anticipate the unexpected.

So we recommend optimism rather than pessimism - we know you have it in you! But you can have too much of a good or bad thing. Take a look at the categories below to see what we mean:

• Burned and Wary – It’s natural to expect someone’s in-person look and attitude – from height to weight to age to interests – to reflect everything they claimed online. But, let’s face it, with online dates you need to accept that there is a possibility of meeting someone who doesn’t resemble their online profile… at all. If this kind of encounter has happened to you more than once, it may have made you impatient with the meeting process. This first get-together may now be considered a type of qualifying stage, or pre-screening. If you’ve been lied to in the past, you may not view this meeting as a regular date, but rather a means to determining if the person is worth dating at all. You have understandable first-date wariness, but that doesn’t excuse bad behavior.
• Optimistic and Ready to Roll – Maybe you consider this initial meeting part of what you see as a courtship that’s already begun. You’ve over-romanticized your online situation so deeply that you feel like you’re already in a relationship and now it’s time to really get into the nitty gritty, the hot and heavy, the cesspool of clichés that abound when it comes to true love. Perhaps you’ve examined the other person’s profile or photo so often you feel like you know them intimately. But get this straight – phone sex does not a relationship make. If you’re one of these folks, this meeting is not just one more exciting step in your journey to full-blown commitment.

Whatever type of mindset you find yourself in when meeting someone outside the bounds of cyberspace for the first time, try to think of that get-together as though you are complete strangers who are just getting to know each other. That can be a challenge when you know everything from the size of their shoes to the nickname they gave to their blankie as a child. But the first meeting – and this is the first meeting… the one online no longer counts – isn’t merely a time to determine if someone is good-looking or interesting enough to date. The first date is your opportunity to decide if you’re willing to spend time getting to know this person to see how they could fit into your life. Old-fashioned dating – try it. You might like it.

If your first face-to-face meeting ends up being not-so-great, remember how good it feels to get a second chance. Don’t be the cruddy online dater who gets a bad reputation for being quick to dump someone who isn’t “good enough.” If you’re quick to move on with someone because you have other tasty options waiting for you in cyberspace, remember that being greedy never got anyone anything but indigestion. If there is another man or woman dating online who you’re communicating with but have yet to meet, try to keep the comparisons at bay and give the one you’re with a fighting chance. The one you have yet to meet may be a better match for you, but dating online is like clothes shopping – you just don’t know what fits until you try it on and take a look in the mirror.

The Verdict
You’re single. You want to meet someone. Let Dating Inspiration Online help you get there. You can have dating success meeting someone the traditional way or through dating online. You can also have dating bombs meeting the traditional way or through dating online. We’re not saying you aren’t going to run into any jerks – you will – but we’re going to tell you how to cope with them better so that you’re not discouraged by dating over and over again.

And, if you’ve never tried dating online before, buck up, and step out of your comfort zone. If you’re really serious about meeting someone, sign up for three online dating sites. If you’re already on a site and it’s not working, check your attitude at the door, bump one or two sites off your list, and find two others to join.

There are umpteen opportunities out there in dating, and they are yours for the taking. You deserve happiness and we are determined to help you find it.