"Femininity for the Modern Woman"
"The Best-Kept Secret of Healthy, Balanced Relationships"

Is chivalry dead? Perhaps the more important question: “Is femininity dead?” 

Here’s the deal. We get asked lots of questions about “us” and about our relationships. Lots. Inquiring minds want to know.  How did we get these successful relationships? Develop them? Keep them? (Not without work, dear ones, let’s just get that out there.) So, we decided it was time to share a piece of ourselves and our relationships publicly. Be warned, this is not a fluffy about-us article but an admission of something that can contribute to the health of a relationship or its utter destruction. We suggest you take a few notes. 

A recent chat with a fellow dating advice comrade has spurred some behind-the-scenes discussions about women, power, cougars, femininity, and the pursuit (or misuse) of female power. As a result, we decided to write a few articles about femininity and its use, or lack thereof, in the dating and relationship spheres. 

Naturally, we adore powerful women and consider ourselves to be just that. We embrace all things that contribute to empowered women. We flat-out admire women and truly think our gender is awesome. Now, we do offer up lots of tough-love advice suggesting that women own their stuff, embrace their flaws and those of others, strap on their self-esteem, get their insecurities in check, and, ultimately, remember just how powerful, beautiful, and exceptional they are. What we don’t often do is point out our own flaws and grapplings with the concepts we so easily serve up. Impressed? See, we can look in the mirror and turn those pointing fingers inward. 

I AM a Feminine, Empowered, Balanced Woman
Is it not the ultimate goal to be a feminine, empowered, balanced woman? We want to discuss how women can be in their power yet still behave in a way that allows men to be men and, therefore, women to be women. We want to discuss femininity. Truth be told, one of the Dating Inspiration Online (DIO) family has mastered this concept flawlessly, while the other tends to wrestle a bit with the concept. Let us elaborate. 

One of us (we have no intention of telling you who’s who here) has all the makings of a 21^st-century renaissance woman. The other still has to work on mastering the feminine principle and the art of receiving (something all women must master) a bit more arduously. The 21st century gal has it all: a powerful career (self-made), a powerful man, and nearly all the makings of a very traditional male-female relationship (think your happily married grandparents). This hyper-balanced woman and the self-mastery she exhibits in her relationship nurtures each of the partners in their own individual needs, strengths, and innate attributes – by the way, she drives this train and therefore has no shortage of power. Think My Big Fat Greek Wedding: “The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.”
 
The other gal also has a powerful career (self-made), and a powerful man, yet can struggle with the yin and yang energies more then she’d care to admit. Gratefully the man in her life flows well with this, in spite of not getting to be in his most traditional, innate role all of the time. What she would admit to is, when she is in her femininity and letting her man be in his masculinity, he is at his best and his most content. As is she. Fortunately, he recognizes her independence and hyper self-sufficiency (and finds it attractive) as something she can’t often help but exhibit. But he always appreciates when she tries to keep things in balance. We said she is working on this… Truth be told, this overly in-charge tendency has been problematic in her past, with lesser men. 

This topic of the male/female roles has been discussed for millennia and is on the rise again with the more powerful women emerging in the business world and the “master of the universe” category. Women really are doing it all these days, but are they still able to be women? This should serve as a powerful introspection into the male/female dynamic. 

As we see it, there are so many of us gals that have forgotten the art of being a woman, particularly next to a man. Understandably so, mind you, but it can get a little sticky if we don’t bother to acknowledge that balance is best. Women are now completely seasoned at being in charge, making money, handling everything, bringing home the bacon, raising the kids, hiring and firing, and just about everything else in between. And the more powerful we are, the more often we can forget what it feels like to be women. 

More importantly, the more powerful we are in career and life, the easier it is to forget that men can be as powerful, and are as powerful, in spite of doing things differently… when we let them! We women have to be a bit careful not to deem men “less” because their multi-tasking skills are not as honed as ours. 

We have coached countless women that struggle with this balance, having it all in every area of life but their relationship, and it is startling how many of the most put-together women can’t get it together in their love lives. What is more startling is how these same women have forgotten how to be women. They spend so much time in a masculine role (or masculine state of mind) that they have completely forgotten how to receive from men the way women need to in order to feel at peace in their relationship. As a result, they tend to underestimate men and their ability to provide (not in a traditional sense, relax), and the fact that both people need to feel powerful to survive (and thrive) together. The male/female balance makes relationships flow harmoniously. Picture the beautiful yin yang symbol fitting together perfectly. Wouldn’t that be nice? 

A Well-Spoken Truth
Women must receive and men must give for there to be complete harmony in a relationship. This bit of truth has been covered by just about all of the relationship gurus… and that’s because it’s completely and totally accurate. A woman who does not feel feminine in her relationship is not the easiest person to live with, and conversely a man who does not feel virile, strong, and masculine is no day at the beach either. We know many men adore powerful women (and we adore those men) – oftentimes, they are attracted to a woman’s power at the beginning of a relationship. However, if pressed, once they are in it for the long-haul, we suspect they might admit to the feeling of, “She doesn’t need me for anything.” We’re here to tell you that it’s a bummer for a man when this dawns on him. While this “needing nothing from a guy” can be an aphrodisiac in the dating world, it tends to hammer the male self-esteem in the long-term relationship arena. 

What many of us gals in our power, and in charge of the world, forget (and often don’t believe) is that men want to give to us and make us happy. Men want to feel like we need them in ways that make them feel like men. The world has come to accept that women don’t need men to buy our houses, BUT we do need them to make us feel feminine and well cared for (emotionally, mentally, and, dare we say, sexually). We need to feel adored. Men don’t tend to adore their male friends.

Is the picture becoming clearer? 

Guess What, Ladies?
The onus is on us to make sure we are tapping into our femininity and our receiving energy so the men in our lives can shine! We have to trust men, trust they will take care of things, get us there, make good choices, take care of business… and we must notice when we aren’t doing just that. For example, did you know that one of men’s biggest complaints is being told how to drive? The next time you think it would be helpful to point out that empty parking spot to him, hold your tongue. It’ll change the tone of your whole evening. In other words, every time we offer unsolicited advice, the message we’re sending is, “You’re inadequate and incapable,” and they get that message loud and clear. In order for men to feel fulfilled, a woman needs to offer trust and put down the need to control everything.    

Just so you know, the DIO gal that has mastered the art of being the woman in her relationship, allowing her partner to “succeed” at being masculine, has a relationship filled with tenderness and mutual respect. The man feels powerful, successful, and ultimately desirable as a result, and it does not take one shred of power away from her. She yields in all the right places and receives regularly from that deep well of masculine energy we ladies love so much. The other of our duo has to work a bit harder at receiving, to not do everything on her own, to not make all the decisions, without realizing there is no need to do it that way, and ultimately has to spend more time creating this balance “deliberately.” She has to remind herself to slow down a bit and yield to the masculine energy, which is her partner, instead of relying on her own yang energy to get things done. And when she does she feels wonderfully cared for and supported by her man. And he loves every moment. 

We’ve decided to let you mull over your own femininity for a while, yet we are committed to expanding on the subject in later installments. For now, take a long look inward and ask yourself, “If I were a man, would I feel good about myself in a relationship with me?” 

Stay tuned…

Go from Femininity to Dating Articles

Go from Femininity to Home