"Jaded and angry - they don't look good on anyone"

When you’re jaded and angry, you don’t feel good about yourself. When you don’t feel good, you don’t look good. What we mean by this is that people can see your anger from across the room. And, quite frankly, you’re scary. You know what it feels like to be in the presence of anger (been to the DMV lately?). Don’t kid yourself into thinking people won’t feel that vibe from you. As a result, you don’t attract anyone super-fabulous to your life.

 

Sound confusing? It’s actually very simple – remain jaded and you’ll remain single. OK, that’s actually not true – some people do hold onto their anger and do manage to find a partner, but those relationships aren’t healthy. Like attracts like, so when you’re cranky and fed up with love, you’ll find other people who feel the same way. Then you can be jaded together. If that idea makes you happy, have at it. But we want to encourage you to reach for the finest relationship – one full of joy and contentment.

 

Dating gets old. We know it. You’re probably weary and a little fed-up. Consider the following to find out if you’re truly jaded or if you are a better fit for another category: 

• Do you feel like love has been unfairly taken from you?
• Do you hold grudges?
• To feel better, do you choose to get even rather than rise above the fray?
• Is it easier for you to stay angry than to forgive?
• Do you blame others for making you unlucky in love?
• Does it seem like no one really understands your plight? 

Holding on to anger does not make you feel better. It creates a ball of dark, evil flotsam and jetsam in the pit of your stomach that just grows out and about, latching onto your skin and seeping through your veins (like the evil Spiderman), turning you into a nearly unrecognizable version of yourself. Shivers. You don’t want to come across like that to others do you?

 

Love can look a heck of a lot better than that. Try this:

 

Sit down at your computer, or at a desk with an “old-fashioned” pen and some paper, and start writing down everything that has made you angry in your love life. Don’t just name names – that’s too easy. You have to identify specific experiences and instances that have turned your stomach into acid. 

 

Look over what you’ve just written and identify the areas where forgiveness is calling to you. You don’t have to agree with any of what’s happened in your life, but others have moved on – you can do the same. Ask yourself if you can forgive. Believe that you are capable of and have the strength to forgive. Really strive to replace those angry thoughts. Forgiveness of others is something you do for yourself – it will set you free.

 

Consider writing a letter to someone concerning an event that you have carried with you for too long. Burn the letter once you’ve finished it. You can stop carrying anger forward, you can move into hopefulness. Start to believe that the relationship disappointments you’ve encountered won’t happen with everyone.

 

Anger is a cancer, and harboring it is detrimental physiologically. Before you can fully heal, you have to acknowledge the anger that exists – you must identify its origins, discover how others have contributed to the anger, and, most of all, admit if/when you have had a part in the creation of your own unhappiness. Only then can you begin to thaw.

 

It’s perfectly acceptable to be angry. But it is highly recommended that you not stay that way. Choose to be stronger than the hurt and the anger. Face the jaded feelings and learn to embrace your flaws. We’re not asking you to forget about who or what has hurt you in the past, but we are encouraging you to remember it, accept it, and forgive it. Without forgiveness, you can’t move on – and we want to help you go from the unhappy stuck place you’re in right now to a healthy spot full of daring leaps of heart.

 

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