"John Beiter, PhD - Sex Expert Extraordinaire"

You asked for a sex expert interview, so allow us to introduce Dr. John Beiter, a sex therapist and clinical psychologist.

Talking about sex isn’t always easy. That’s why we love this “sexpert.” He’s made it his goal to help couples communicate better sexually – both verbally and physically. Three cheers!

As a result of his sex therapy work with couples and individuals, Dr. Beiter was inspired to create the Beiter Sexuality Preference Indicator (BSPI). Some people are unhappy in the bedroom, but they’re not even sure what it is they want or need to satisfy them. The BSPI is a communication tool that will help you come to better understand your personal sexual preferences in your sexual relationships.

Plus, the BSPI also provides a comfortable means for you to openly discuss your sexuality. In other words, you and your sweetie could sit down and each take this easy online test – separately, of course – and then compare results. Figure out where you match up, where you differ, and what you can do to gel in more pleasurable ways. The BSPI is anonymous, online, and it’s just plain fun to take. Who doesn’t want more insight into their own sex life?

We at Dating Inspiration Online believe that nurturing a healthy self-esteem is the only way to find happiness in love, and that it requires taking a good look at yourself and embracing all of your flaws. Truly, even your flaws are beautiful – they make you the unique, rockin’ individual that you are. Because we believe this, we have made it our mission to find other people who feel the same way and share their message with you.

And with that, let’s talk about sex, baby.

Dating Inspiration Online (DIO): You’re currently working on gathering research for your book The Psychology of Your Sexuality. Can you share with us a little about that project?
Dr. John Beiter: The project was more by accident than design. I developed the BSPI at the request of my clients when they wanted to learn how to openly communicate their sexual preferences as a way to help them begin those sometimes often difficult conversations around sex and sexuality. The positive feedback I received was astounding and overwhelming along with the encouragement to make it available to as many people as possible. I decided I wanted to learn more about the patterns of our sexuality and if by learning the differences we could help educate the masses on how to become better sexual communicators with each other.

DIO: OK, we’re just gonna jump right in. How would you suggest that men and women or same-sex couples get to know each other better sexually? 
Dr. John Beiter: Stop making assumptions and challenge the myths that many hold onto as if it were the sexual gospel… in other words communicate, communicate, communicate! One myth to attack: men should know everything about sex and sexuality and especially when it comes to women. Yeah right, not the case, basically almost never the case! Second myth: sex is only intercourse. We need to broaden our definitions of sex. Get away from the performance view and expand your horizons to embrace sex and sexuality that has its foundations in pleasure, fun, and intimacy.

DIO: People seem to love having sex but they don’t always have the guts to talk about it. What do you think is the biggest disconnect between couples when it comes to sex?
Dr. John Beiter: Familial patterns and messages one receives growing up. I have seen plenty of people who were raised to believe that sex is “dirty” and “not something to be discussed.” Religion plays a huge role for some and the influences are far-reaching. Poor education both at home and school leads to huge disconnects. Take the fact that the United States has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy of any developed country in the world and ranks number one in its inability to provide to effective education.

DIO: Considering that you’re doing research on sex and sexuality, you must have some interesting nicknames whether you like it or not (Dr. Sex? Sex Research Guy?). Care to share?
Dr. John Beiter: I wish I had some to share… ha, ha, ha! It is really funny, even these days, how sex is one of those subjects that can really polarize people. I have had many wonderful supporters and cheerleaders pushing me forward, encouraging me to learn as much as I can, and on the other side of the spectrum – those who would wish I would just disappear, wringing their hands as though I were going to stain them with my message.

DIO: But in all seriousness, sex is more than just a physical thing. What is the ultimate message or philosophy behind your work that you would like our audience to grasp? 
Dr. John Beiter: I respect that, for many, sex is and should be private. But not sharing in healthy, respectful ways can cause more problems than it avoids or prevents. If we are to bring about changes that are in everyone’s best interest, then we need to challenge the way we have been educated and learn a way that can be more open, honest, and sharing.

DIO: We have strong opinions about sex early in relationships (and first-date sex) and believe it requires a solid self-esteem, healthy motives, and a certain level of maturity. What’s your take on that? 
Dr. John Beiter: I totally agree. I have worked with far too many adults who were “consenting” adolescents who struggle functioning “normally” sexually because they were not mature enough (and neither was their partner for pushing) to handle the emotions involved among many other aspects of the sexual relationship. It is never in your best interest to enter into a sexual relationship irresponsibly. It has the power to affect you for the rest of your life.

DIO: We’re not pulling any punches – define gratuitous sex. 
Dr. John Beiter: Sex that could be fun, graphic, anonymous, and irresponsible.

DIO: What do you think is the secret to a long-lasting, healthy, happy sex life? 
Dr. John Beiter: Variety and embracing a path of life-long discovery where, again, the goals are sharing and experiencing pleasure, fun, and intimacy.

DIO: We absolutely endorse online dating and think if you can increase your odds of meeting someone by a millionfold, you should. Do you think people who meet online influences the way they behave sexually?
Dr. John Beiter: I guess it depends on how you define “sex.” For some, the Internet has allowed individuals to have “sex” without ever having to meet the other person. I think trust and honesty has been put to the test. I think some people feel they can be much more open behind a keyboard instead of a face-to-face encounter. I would think that the Internet should provide the environment for one to feel more open without the fear of judgment or at least tempt one to “put it out there.”

DIO: We’re women and we love compliments. What’s your favorite message from Dating Inspiration Online?
Dr. John Beiter: Your bite-sized pieces of advice… you don’t need a thesis to learn the truth about yourself and your relationships.

DIO: What’s your best sex advice in 20 words or less? 
Dr. John Beiter: Experience sex as exciting, fun, pleasurable, sensual, and intimate through mutual sharing, caring, and enjoyment… don’t define sex based on performance.

A big, fat thank you to Dr. John for participating in this interview! If you'd like to complete the Beiter Sexuality Preference Indicator, click here to get started or go directly to Dr. Beiter's website to learn more about him and his work.

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