"Men Dating online"
"Why they can't stop looking"
Here’s
the situation with men dating online:
Woman goes out on an amazing date with a new guy. Woman goes home
thinking this could be the start of something wonderful, feeling all
giddy and smiley. Woman goes online to set her online dating profile to
invisible. Woman discovers that said great guy just logged into his
online dating account 30 minutes after their date and is looking at
profiles of other women. Screeeeeeech!
What?
Did you imagine
the connection you had with each other? Was he faking his behavior on
the entire date? Is he actually a player and louse and just really good
at covering it up? Are you not good enough for him? What gives?
The fact is,
it’s natural for men dating online to look at other women… even
after
a super-stupendous, knock-your-socks-off date. Yes, we know, it sounds
like a lame excuse and one that women will never be lucky enough to
use. But it’s the truth.
Guys typically rate their attraction to
a woman by comparing her to other women. This isn’t a new thing –
red-blooded men have been doing this since the dawn of time. But online
dating sure makes it a heck of a lot simpler and more convenient to
ogle others – and the online dating sites in particular have brought
this once private activity to a woman’s attention. Not such a good
thing, especially if a woman is feeling even the teensiest bit insecure.
In
the “olden days” of traditional
dating, a woman would be less likely to
pick up on the fact that the man in her life was comparing her to other
women (because he would hopefully be smart enough not to do this in her
actual presence). It’s a man’s way of confirming that he’s hanging with
the right woman. It doesn’t mean he’s playing the field. Doesn’t mean
he’s even interested in seeing other women.
Truly, men dating
online who are comparing one woman to other women isn’t necessarily a
bad behavior. It’s annoying when men are incredibly obvious about it,
but online
dating has made this normal reaction way too simple to
ignore.
Who Cares About All
the Other Fish in the Sea?
Guys
do. Guys care. Not because they want all the fish in the sea. They just
want to poke around out there in the cybersea and check ‘em out a
little. Sure, there are plenty of men dating online who string along
woman after woman, on purpose. But that’s not who we’re talking about
here. We’re talking about the guy with good intentions, but he’s also
the guy who just can’t pry his eyeballs away from easy access to
pictures of thousands of other women.
We know. We know. You’re still probably thinking, “Lame
excuse.” But hear us out.
The
man looking at other women online may think your date was fab too but,
in order to confirm that you’re right for him, he is taking advantage
of the online dating set-up to first compare you to everyone else he
finds attractive.
And this is exactly what’s tough to understand or accept
as a woman. “Big deal,” you might think. “If
he liked me enough he wouldn’t feel the need to look at other women
right after he went out with me.”
You feel duped because you thought this guy was into you. Seeing him
online makes you assume he’s not interested in you. As a result, online
dating, unrightfully so, makes a man seem less serious about his dating
intentions. A vicious cycle.
One
woman
told us, “Most of the men dating online that I have met will tell you
they can't help sometimes but go on and look. It's detrimental to new
relationships to see the man you went on a date with log into his
account and start searching after he returned home. Online dating makes
you wonder if you could always do better and get more.” True that.
So
why does a man succumb to the lure of the search? It’s been proven that
hunting behavior – in whatever form that may take – triggers higher
levels of testosterone which helps a man thrive, feel good about
himself, feel manly. In other words, “hunting” women online gives him
that I’m-a-stud feeling. It’s easy to see how searching through online
profiles is a testosterone-building behavior – and potentially
addictive – for men dating online.
To Stay Online or
Not to Stay Online?
So
now what? You know why guys look at other women online, but you might
be feeling a bit helpless if you choose to believe that it’s a
point-of-no-return behavior that every man has adopted. This new
knowledge about men dating online may have you losing hope in the
possibilities of finding any stand-up dude. Please don’t give up.
That’s not why we’ve told you this information. We want to make online
dating easier for you, give you every chance to be more successful in
this adventure – and knowledge, simple knowledge, about a man’s
possible tendencies can help you keep hope alive. And not be
so hard on
yourself.
Online
dating simplifies the
ability to falsify the real you – age, weight, marital status,
education, employment, and so on. The men and women we’ve spoken with
who date online are simply asking for accountability from other online
daters, for people to stop exaggerating and be truthful about
themselves, their appearance, and their credentials, and to keep their
expectations in perspective.
There are bad
behaviors galore
when it comes to online meeting but, let’s face it, bad behavior can be
typical of all dating, whether or not you meet men dating online. And
both men and women are responsible for their fair share of online
boo-boos. There are plenty of online dating success stories, but
finding a compatible match via cyberspace is just as much of a journey
as it is in the “real” world – there is no guarantee that computers
will speed up the process, weed out the creeps and fakes, or make
dating any easier. But we can help.
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