"Perfection - Are You Looking for It?
Oh... We Hope Not"

Perfection is a falsehood. It’s a figment of the imagination. There is someone out there who’s just right for you, yes, but that doesn’t make them unflawed. By the way, you’re not without blemish either. You can’t be and we want to encourage you to stop trying. Perfectionism is just a mechanism of control. And we don’t need to tell you that you can’t control love.

If you think you're a crowning achievement who can't be improved in any way, there's a problem. If you think you can find a partner who's spotless, there's an even bigger problem. If you think such impeccability exists at all, then we're really glad you found us.

 

Not sure if perfection is indeed what can be classified as your hang-up? This little devil can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Take a look to see if you might fit into this category or if your love life is getting mangled in some other way:

• Do you have very high standards for a potential partner?
• Has anyone ever accused you of having unrealistic expectations?
• Are you looking for the Barbie to your Ken, the Edward Cullen to your Bella Swan?
• Do you believe someone needs to accept you as-is, no matter what?
• Do you maintain a list of deal-breakers for relationships?
• Are you looking for a person of a certain “type”?
• Are you unbending about your vision of love and what someone must do to win your heart?

The idea that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks is actually false, and kind of an annoying little cliché that’s gotten way too much play. The caveat is that the dog has to want to learn the tricks. If it doesn’t have the desire, then forget it. You might feel like that old canine, but you can choose to learn something new. You can opt to be a better version of yourself (not a perfect version, just the best version).

 

It’s our spots that make us unique and lovable. So today, right now, you’re going to begin to embrace the flaws so you can see true beauty – your own, and that of others.

 

Write down everything that’s “right” with you. Then, and this is the tough part, note everything that’s “wrong” with you. Whether it’s physical (“My fingers are too stubby”), spiritual (“I really don’t know what I believe in”), mental (“I second-guess everything I say”), or emotional (“I can overreact sometimes instead of acting rationally”). Own up to the best and worst of yourself – don’t be shy about writing it all down!

 

It might be tough to line up your flaws on a piece of paper, especially if you have a perfectionist attitude. And if it is difficult, that’s good and bad. It’s good because you think of yourself in a positive light, you see more plusses in yourself than minuses. It’s bad though because you may not be seeing yourself honestly and clearly. Really truly ask yourself – are these things that would be a dealbreaker for you? Would you refuse to love someone because they had stubby fingers? See the absurdity? If you can’t give yourself a break you’re never going to be able to do that for someone else.

 

Then consider one or two of your most important relationships. Write down everything that was “wrong” with these people and be specific. From the most mundane to the glaringly obvious, get into the nitty gritty details about yourself and those who have touched your life – whether they were your favorite mistake or your biggest error in judgment.

 

Now, reread what you’ve written. In retrospect, or in the new clarity you’re developing, are these items really halting perfection or are they merely a path to the ideal specimen that each of us truly is?

 

The idea of perfection can be harmful to whomever holds onto it. Someone shouldn’t have to exhibit specific traits before they’re considered “viable” relationship material. You can’t ask more of others than you ask of yourself. So be honest with numero uno. Put off the vibes that say, “Hey, I’m a screw-up and I love myself even more because of it – and I can love you too.” Acceptance is the real gift here.

 

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