"Top ten new relationship mistakes"

(Are you guilty? we won't tell...)

Are you assassinating your love life simply by functioning? Here are the top 10 relationship mistakes that can have you permanently parked at the love morgue.

1. Neediness – Insatiable much? Devouring chocolate chip cookies like the Cookie Monster is cute (“om nom nom nom”). But any amount of neediness is a big, fat turn-off. If your entire well-being is defined by the attentions of another person, neediness can begin to permeate every single element of your life. It is the number one bad behavior in new relationships.

Relationship mistakes: Calling someone multiple times a day “just to see what they’re up to.” Wanting to hang out as often as possible. Not celebrating anything good about your life until you have someone else’s praise.

2. Wanting too much too soon – It’s tempting to push for a full-blown relationship, but trying to develop commitment or intimacy before it’s had time to percolate scares people away. Creating a sense of urgency to nail down love can create a strong case of I’ve-gotta-get-the-hell-out-of-this-situation in the other person. Both halves of a new dating relationship need a warm-up period, a time for light, breezy fun with no heavy expectations, history-telling, projections, or obligations. Do whatever it takes to master this one – delayed gratification is totally worth it.

Relationship mistakes: Asking, “Are we in a relationship?” Regularly bringing up your timeline for getting engaged, married, and having children. Jumping into the sack right away.

3. Playing it too cool – Trying to be aloof and act like you don’t care what the other person does or thinks? This silliness is a dating land mine that can blow up in your face at any time… and its result is often total destruction. It’s an uphill battle trying to make amends for a blasé attitude. You might adopt a cool approach after being hurt in your past, convincing yourself that you will never care that much again. But, ironically, when your cover is blown, you’ve proved you do care, quite a lot.

Relationship mistakes: Acting like you don’t care if they call you. Pretending little gifts or gestures are insignificant. Playing hard to get. (If this really worked in the long-run would you be reading this?)

4. Online stalking – Social networks are kind of like free stalking mechanisms, and some of them unwisely encourage you to flaunt your relationship status. Trouble arises when the person you’re dating makes you think they don’t like you as much as you like them – they seem to have more time for other people or don’t respond to you immediately. Any of this behavior can send your brain into overdrive… What did I do wrong? Are they not into me? Why aren’t they writing back? Snoop at your own risk!

Relationship mistakes: Inundating them with wall posts like, “Hey! Thinking of you!” Checking their Facebook or MySpace relationship status daily. Memorizing who they’re communicating with and sizing up the “competition.”

5. Making comparisons – Unless your goal is to date the same person again and again (and we’re gritting our teeth with hope that this isn’t a pattern you want to encourage – more on this later) you and every person you date gets a fresh opportunity in each new relationship to be brand spanking new! If you compare the latest person in your life to the ones who came before, consider your ugly self-saboteur alive and well – and that isn’t a good thing. Let’s face it – we all have a past. If you start to judge someone because you think you see a familiar behavior (good or bad), that is you screwing up a new opportunity, not them.

Relationship mistakes: Assuming that you know how they’re going to act or what they’re going to say. Reliving every experience you have together in your head while imagining your ex in their place. Saying anything to them that includes the words “my ex.”

6. Lying in your online dating profile – Think a neatly wrapped package of yourself as taller, thinner, richer, younger, or more educated than you really are will win you online suitors? Absolutely! But it won’t score you any points when you actually go on that first date. You’re marketing yourself in your online dating profile – as is every other person online. You can grossly misrepresent yourself to get the “sale,” but if you’re lying, someone’s going to ask for their money back, and quick. Online dating does not equal reinvention.

Relationship mistakes: Saying you’re divorced when you’re only separated. Claiming you’re 50 pounds thinner than your photo when you’re only five pounds lighter. Bragging about your extreme hobbies when you really prefer to read.

7. Looking for Edward Cullen… or Scarlett Johansson – Women want the romantic. Men want the body and brains. Or vice versa. Or you just want something completely unattainable and unrealistic. Any way you look at it, Edward Cullen doesn’t exist (leave Robert Pattinson alone!) and there’s only one Scarlett Johansson (who’s married anyway). You want your date to be “the one.” You want immediate passion and insane romance; you want body-rocking chemistry and rolling around in public places. Whatever you crave, you can’t create it out of thin air, so stop expecting your date to turn into someone who doesn’t really exist in your world.

Relationship mistakes:Putting your date on a pedestal because you believe they’re someone they’re really not. Holding out for love at first sight. Treating your date as though they’re “the one” (and saying creepy things about your destiny).

8. Concentrating on the little things – Paying attention to the little things is a negative? You know it… because it’s when you fixate on all those tiny little details – from the significant to the insignificant – that you can drive yourself bananas. Focusing on every little ingredient that makes up a new person will have you too wrapped up in the bullet points of a recipe instead of enjoying the dish as a whole. It’s about appreciating the little things, not dwelling on the bothersome ones that have you talking yourself completely out of love (everyone’s annoying at some point – even you), and cherishing the minutiae that can truly make you fall head over heels.

Relationship mistakes:You lap up every word or wink or touch like they’re life lines. You obsess about the one tiny thing you don’t like about them. You read into every word they say as though that will tell you how they really feel about you.

9. Expecting a woman to think like a man; wanting a man to think like a woman – Women talk, guys look. Women smile, guys swagger. Stereotypes and facts abound in equal parts in the world of dating, but the bottom line is that it’s not just anatomy that separates the men and the ladies. You can’t make one gender be like the other. Simply enough – the person you’re dating isn’t you. Don’t ever forget it.

Relationship mistakes: Thinking he’s going to want to talk, talk, talk. Assuming that she doesn’t need to talk. Thinking he’s going to always appreciate your instinct to nurture. Assuming she’s going to understand your need for space.

And the number one, the biggie, the ultimate…

10. Insecurity – Insecurity strikes the most attractive, with-it people, like a sudden case of influenza. It’s sudden and violent and once you’re in its grips you can be a goner. Insecurity is actually the umbrella of all the relationship mistakes listed above. It can turn you into a stalker, nitpicker, second-guesser, needy, pie-in-the-sky dater. Insecurity is the relentless voice in your head that tells you every action of another person means something about your worth and lovability. This will be discussed at length during your journey to active dating at DIO… have no fear (or do fear, if you can’t handle blunt honesty).

Relationship mistakes: Requiring constant reassurance, validation, and confirmation that the other person is into you. Telling yourself you need to change how you look before you can seriously commit to someone. Giving up on dating because you’re tired of being rejected.

So how do you stop committing these relationship mistakes? Just being on this site is a start. The goal at DIO is to help you see the error of your ways and find relationship magic. If you’re committing any of these relationship mistakes, continue to search our site for solutions – we have them, especially for you… but only if you’re ready for the truth.