"Romantic sex - how to have it, make the right choices, and not regret it later"

Good old romantic sex. Are you getting any? Have you never had it? Do you want it? Don’t know what it is?

There’s something to be said for the anticipation of sex. Weeks of long kisses and moving steadily around the bases, leading up to what you know will be a seriously overdue but well-worth-the-wait home run.

There’s also something to be said for that living-in-the-moment, take-it-all-off first-date sex. But that’s the kind of temptation that can come back to bite you in the ass. Unfortunately, ladies, you’re often the ones on the receiving end of that chomp in the rear. Guys truly do have that ability to separate the physical connection from the emotional connection. Women are not always so lucky – the feelings get wrapped up in one tight little ball that’s nearly impossible to separate.

So what’s a gal to do? Can you really have romantic sex on the first date with no regrets? Does it hurt you in the long run (or prevent you from even reaching the long run)? Does first-date sex set the tone for the whole relationship? Most of all, when can you sleep with him and expect another date?

How Can It Feel So Right and So Wrong?
There is a struggle of fear vs. instinct when it comes to first-date romantic sex. In your gut, you know it’s not the best move and you shouldn’t do it. But then any combination of the following fears flow through your mind, interrupting your logical thought process:

• You’re afraid that if you don’t have sex you’ll never see them again (that high school worry about not being easy can be your worst enemy in adulthood too).
• You’re afraid that if you do have sex you’ll regret it severely.
• You’re afraid that if you have sex with them too soon they’ll lose respect for you.
• You’re afraid that sex too soon will make you feel cheap, whorish, and leave you with little self-respect.
• You’re afraid that if you have sex on the first date the relationship will be over before it’s even begun.

OK, here’s the scoop...

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...you can have romantic sex on the first date. Gagillions of people have done it – many have lamented that choice, while many would do it again and again (and they have). To know which side of the fence you’re going to fall on, you need to know yourself first. That’s the real answer to the question: Is it OK to have sex on the first date?

The Wrath of Insecurity
Admitting your fears about the repercussions of first date sex is the first step to overcoming your insecurity.

But it’s not only fear or insecurity that can have you hopping into the backseat, onto the kitchen table, or into the bed. Romantic feelings can seduce you into having sex too soon, making you think it’s going to be romantic sex. You’re hot-blooded – you want it just as much as the next person. There’s nothing wrong with that. Except, sometimes, there are consequences. (And no, this is not where the sex ed or health preaching begins – someone should have had that birds and bees talk with you long ago.)

Here, actually, is where you get to forgive yourself a little bit. No one is immune to romance (unless you’re a vampire… and even they can have their softer sides). Feeling all ooey gooey, warm and fuzzy, hot in the loins for the person sitting across the dinner table from you on the first date – it’s a chemistry that’s tough to ignore. And why the heck would you want to? Feelings like that are delicious, tempting, and oh-so-gratifying.

But are those romantic feelings a trap? A trick? Is your psyche telling you that the two of you can be just like peas and carrots, that you can handle a hook up or casual sexual encounter with no strings attached, that such hot and heavy feelings are the green light to getting horizontal?

Truth is, just because it feels romantic in the moment, that doesn’t mean you’ll get seconds and it doesn’t mean that the encounter you have is any more intimate than on the physical level. That looking each other in the eyes when you’re going at it, the clasping of the hands, the heavy breathing – don’t read too much into it.

So What’s the Freaking Timeline Then?
First, ladies, allow us to say this: You have no obligation to be a role model for other women. Be a role model for yourself. That means, be on top of the situation – literally or figuratively – whatever works for you. Just be on top of who you are, what you’re feeling, and what you want. When you are in control of yourself, you can overcome every bad choice and revel in every good one.

You’ve heard it before and we’re going to repeat it here – each couple determines the evolution of romantic sex in their relationship, or just frisky, knocking-boots sex, or whatever lights your fire.

What we at DIO have decided to take on however is the role of “interior decorator” for your sex life with in-your-face articles, our free newsletter, and more. We’re going to guide you to feng shui your sexual being, to makeover your inhibitions, to recognize true romantic sex and romantic gestures, to avoid feeling like healthy first date sex is a myth. We believe in good sex, strong relationships, and that you should settle for nothing less. Now, put that old “palette” aside, and get ready to remodel!

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