"Self Sabotage Can Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship"

Self-sabotage is one of the easiest things to do. We’ve all committed this crime of the heart at one point or another. Sometimes you can sabotage yourself unknowingly, and sometimes you can do it with all the awareness in the world. Either way, your own worst enemy is none other than yourself – and that’s no way to live.

 

Self-sabotage isn’t an absolute. It’s not a matter of being a saboteur or not being a saboteur. Sometimes you can be perfectly cool with your dating life and the people in it. But all you need is that one trigger, that one experience that will turn you into a self-saboteur and have you behaving in ways your own reflection wouldn’t recognize. Self-sabotage turns you into Norman Bates’ mother – you are not yourself and you do unthinkable things and unspeakable acts all in the name of love.

 

To determine whether you fit into the category of self-sabotage, or are more likely to belong to another category, think about the following. Have you ever: 

• Talked yourself out of what you really want, especially when it comes to love?
• Thought you don’t deserve love?
• Rejected a potential partner’s genuine advances?
• Acted impulsively when you know you shouldn’t?
• Convinced yourself that someone’s affections are a lie?
• Gotten physically intimate with someone too soon?
• Said what you shouldn’t say even though deep-down you know it’s not helpful?
• Lived knowingly in the past instead of the present?

You may have been burned so badly that you allow every past experience to color your love life before you’ve even picked up any crayons yourself!

 

The whole world is your crayon box. But when you let someone else or past experiences choose your crayons for you, that self-saboteur is wonderfully fulfilled. And you’ve suddenly become a puppet with an evil puppeteer. The colors being chosen for your love life aren’t the ones you would choose for yourself if you were in a healthy frame of mind.

 

Hanging off of those puppet strings, you can see this. But untangling yourself isn’t always a simple matter. We’re here to help you stop that self-saboteur from gaining ground, to get you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, to banish self-pity before it has a chance to ruin your chances at love forever.

 

Think about it: Who’s going to fall in love with you when you can’t even love yourself?

 

So it’s time to start loving yourself. Right now. Today. And here is one way to get started on the healthy path:

 

Develop a list of at least 20 self-affirmations. Write down the traits about yourself that you’ve always been proud of so you can reinforce the truth (e.g. “I am a fabulous baker.”). Every time someone compliments you, make note of it (e.g. “You look so great in red!”).

 

Write down your affirmations and compliments on index cards and stuff those cards anywhere and everywhere – between books on the bookshelf, in your wallet, in the glove compartment, in your dresser drawers, around the bathroom mirror, as your screen saver. Store at least 10 affirmations together in one safe place – when you need a serious dose of pick-me-up, read all of them in one sitting. Every time you read an affirmation – whether it’s the one you expect to see in the same place every day or one you come across accidentally – read it and believe it. If it’s a compliment, say, “Thank you,” out loud and move on.

 

Don’t question the validity of the statements you read no matter what kind of bad day you’re having or down mood you’re experiencing. Love yourself. And trust that you can be loved by others.

 

To begin squeezing out regret and self-doubt you have to believe the good part of yourself and embrace the flaws. To be attractive to another person, you have to believe in yourself, period. Second-guessing is not permitted in the game of love – go into it with your whole heart. Leave no room for self-sabotage.

 

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