"The Ex Ruining Your Chances
for Online Dating Success?"

You thought you were finished with the ex. Your relationship is dunzo. Friends have agreed that you’ve reduced your habit of punctuating every other sentence with “the bastard.”

But the fact that this former flame is still figuring in your conversations at all is a big, fat red flag to us. And you’re gonna cramp your online dating efforts if you’re making one too many mentions of the one who used to be your sweetheart.

The Ex in Your Online Dating Profile
Your online dating profile is the place where you talk about yourself – a resume of sorts. You offer details, brag a little, even talk about the kind of partner you want. This is called honesty.

Now there’s also something called negativity. And that has zero place in your online dating profile. Ze-ro. Comments like, “I will not tolerate cheaters” may seem vague, but that is one incredibly telling statement. Essentially, it means, “I’ve been cheated on, probably pretty recently, and I’m definitely not over it yet, and if you even think about stepping out on me I will dig your eye out with an ice pick.”

Frosty.

That is not going to land you a date. You’ll be lucky if it lands you an email. It’s self-sabotage.

Online daters have no choice but to read between the lines. But you don’t need to make it so incredibly easy for others to infer that you are hostile.

If you’re still dealing with anger and bitterness over the ex and his or her indiscretions, you might be wise to chill from dating altogether until you can get a grip on yourself. That done-me-wrong attitude comes through loud and clear in your antagonistic comments whether you like it or not.

Don’t Take It With You
If you have landed a date with an online suitor, then you probably managed to keep some of your resentment for the ex out of your online dating profile. Good for you. Now the challenge has arrived for you to try and keep the word vomit from spewing over into your first date.

When you drink too much at dinner then fall apart and get weepy and start blabbering about how lonely you are and how much you miss your ex or how much they wronged you, a second date, sure as the sun rises, is not going to happen.

If this is the kind of behavior you exhibit, you might not notice the look of fear in your date’s eyes, their get-me-the-hell-out-of-here shell-shocked look. Even if you don’t go over the top, make any mention of the ex on your date and that’s already a big strike against you.

When your former love’s name rolls off your tongue easily (whether sweetly or harshly), they probably still have a pretty large plot of real estate in your heart. Sometimes “getting back out there” is the right choice. But sometimes it just plain isn’t. Don’t make other daters suffer because you’re not ready yet.

The Don’ts of Dating Around Your Ex
Whether you’ve exorcised the ex from your system or are still working on it, these are some hard and fast rules to follow on in your online profile and on first dates, no matter what.

• Don’t offer too much info about your past relationships. Yep, it’s important for people to know you’ve had major relationships, but a first date is certainly not the time to play Dating History Jeopardy.
• Don’t complain about any exes who have wronged you. You want to avoid portraying yourself as a whiner, as someone who hasn’t gotten over the past. You’ll leave potential matches thinking they’ll never be able to live up to your high standards, so why bother?
• Don’t let your past affect your choices and influence your behavior now. Try not to spend your time getting to know someone by quizzing them about how they would react in certain situations… particularly situations that you may have been involved in with an ex. You’re not a super-sleuth, you’re a super-fabulous potential great date! Get to know people for who they are and give each new connection a fair shot. Don’t assume the worst before you even get started.

You've only got a little bit of space in your online dating profile to give up the goods about yourself - why waste valuable word count being a hater? The ex can wait - this is about you and your future, so let's keep it that way.