"The Jersey Shore"
"5 Fascinating Love Lessons from the Guys of The Jersey Shore"

People may be up in arms that the insanely popular show The Jersey Shore is perpetuating the stereotypes of Italian guidos (and guidettes). We don’t care to get involved in that argument one way or another.

What we do have to say about this compulsively watchable, can’t-turn-away-from-it show is that there’s something to be learned from the likes of Pauly D, The Situation, Ronnie, and Vinny.

When it comes to dating, these four young studs are, for lack of a better explanation, caricatures of what certain types of men are really like. They are teaching women lessons without even realizing they’re teaching them… and we’re betting that the women who need to learn these lessons aren’t exactly paying attention (too distracted by the hair gel, tattoos, spray tan, and guns – and we mean muscles, not weapons).

This is what we think the players are expressing loud and clear:

1. When a guy says he’ll call, he means it... unless you piss him off. 

Pauly D met a young woman at a club and was then “stalked” by her on the boardwalk. She kept showing up wherever he was, even though he was with other people, even though he told her he’d call her when he got home. She even made him a T-shirt! (That does not create a warm and fuzzy – that creates the heebie jeebies.) When Pauly finally did get home, she beat him to the punch and called him first, and repeatedly. Makes for some hilarious TV, but girls… we hope all of you out there were screaming, “Omigod, girlfriend! Stop already! You’re making a fool of yourself!”

Allow a guy to prove his mettle, give him the opportunity to make good on his promise. Don’t latch onto someone because of their age, religion, occupation, or looks. And please, oh please, don’t plan forever with someone after one night of battling at the club or dirty dancing in the bedroom. A few bumps and grinds or an exchange of bodily fluids does not automatically mean 2-getha 4-eva.

2 .When a guy says he only wants to hook up, that’s exactly what he means. 

Mike “The Situation” wants chicks, and that’s all he wants. He says it over and over in every episode. He is at the Jersey Shore to show off his six-pack, pick up girls, go in the Jacuzzi, and have sex. This rule of dating is simple and finite – when a man says he only wants to hook up, listen to him! He is telling you the truth! Sure, there may be a few endearments thrown in there for good measure, to butter you up, or just to get you in the sack, but they mean diddly squat. If it looks like a hook-up and sounds like a hook-up, it’s a hook-up. Don’t expect more than that.

3. When a guy can’t look you in the eye for more than 30 seconds at a time without scanning the room for other chicks, don’t expect much.

OK, some of us meet our husbands at dance clubs. But The Jersey Shore has shown us that clubs are typically where the players go to meet chicks, weed out the grenades, and get some action. Mike can have his arm around one girl while he’s taking a good look around to see if there’s someone better within reach (or maybe he’s just looking for a mirror – hard to tell for sure). If a guy doesn’t even attempt to carry on a decent conversation with you, while maintaining eye contact – and the right guy will try to make that happen, even over the sound of the pounding bass – then prepare for detonation. If you haven’t officially caught his eye, the night might be fun but it won’t be the start of a fairy tale.

4. When a guy is good to his mother, he has it in him to be good to you. 

Vinny finally started showing up on camera toward the end of the season – and his mother and extended family made an appearance as well. Vinny is trying to be the sly guy, but he only picked up his boss’s chick by accident. We don’t think he has it in him to be truly mean to a girl – all this stuff with The Situation’s sister? He’s just trying to stick it to Mike. He’s a mama’s boy. While this is territory on which to tread carefully it usually means a man has been taught to respect the woman that he loves the most. So when you win his heart, he’s more than likely to treat yours like gold. And it doesn’t hurt if you cook him some kick-ass manicotti every now and then. (That doesn’t read “kick his ass,” for the JWoww types out there!)

5. When a man likes you, he lets you know by treating you well. 

Sammi “Sweetheart” and Ronnie (“never fall in love at the shore”) somehow managed, against all crazy, freaking odds, to develop a relationship with each other at the Jersey Shore. At the start of the season, Ronnie seemed to have the potential to be just as much of a player as Pauly D and The Situation, but then things got sweet with Sammi and the rest was history.

Only Sammi doesn’t trust him, and she questions his loyalty. That, dear friends, is her problem. And you know why we can say this with confidence? Because Ronnie has been super-demonstrative – he shows his affection, he hangs out with Sam instead of with the other guys, he apologizes when he makes a mistake, he puts her first. He’s cute with her – and that whole thing with Sam getting upset with Ronnie telling her she has a Fred Flintstone toe? Get over it Sam. He noticed your toes? Good God, this boy has got it bad for you. Appreciate him.

All this being said, remember, guys do grow up, even though some of them aren't ready to do it until they're 40. For the men that don't ever grow up, they're probably letting you know in not-so-subtle ways that they plan to stay solo for a while. Listen to them (ya hear that Snooki?). When they say they're on a 10-year plan, they mean it. And nothing you can do will change them. So if you're OK with just having fun and hooking up and playing around, more power to you. Fist pump!

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