"Get the second date with these 4 tips for first-Date success"

When the first date is going well, you can’t help but start thinking about the second date… and if you’re going to get one.

Here’s how to improve your chances of landing a second shot with the new person in your life.

1. Streamline Your Attitude
The first key to ensuring the second date is to stop thinking about it. Banish all daydreams of him begging you for more time together at the end of your first date, of him calling you as soon as you get home saying he couldn’t wait to hear your voice. When you’re on a first date, think about the first date only! Flash back to teenage dates at the pizza parlor or the bowling alley – you just wanted to get the hell out of the house and hold hands with a cute guy, maybe get a goodnight kiss. It was all about anticipation, and your attitude conveyed that. The butterflies were present, it was all in good fun. So pack away any negativity about hating dating, being exhausted by the thought of it, rating him on date one for marriage potential. Dating isn’t a drag – it’s an attitude. Approach every date like it’s a first date (even when you do land the second date) – it’ll help your enthusiasm thrive, and keep some of those niggling insecurities at bay too!

2. If You Were the Boss...
A first date can feel like a job interview (except with a few more personal questions than are actually allowed in a professional setting). Essentially though, you’re both “interviewing” each other to see how you might fit in each other’s “company.” By now, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you want in a partner – but leave all of those pressing questions for another time. Talk to each other about life and society, movies and books; keep the date easy and simple and, yeah, even a little superficial. You’re just getting to know each other – now is not the time to determine if you both agree about the number of children a couple should have. Whatever happens, remember this: you’re getting this “candidate” as-is. If you don’t like their “resume” now, it’s not going to change with time, so keep an open mind on this date (especially if you want the second date).

3. Chillax on the Chit-chat
You want to know everything about the person you’re on a first date with, and you want them to know everything about you so they can make an accurate judgment. Stop right there. You know what’s wrong about this thought process? It means you’re going to talk. A lot. Too much. Verbal diarrhea is the kiss of death. If the person you’re on a date with isn’t talking as much as you, you’re over-talking. For a guy, the words of a woman who just talks and talks can quickly turn into white noise. Before you know it, he’s tuning you out and surreptitiously gesturing for the check. All thoughts of a second date have left his mind. For a woman, a man who doesn’t know when to stop rambling makes him seem disinterested in her. It'll do you good to not make the date all about you. 

4. No Dissing!
Sure, you may have some negative past experiences that have been the end of other relationships. This may make you want to get your dirty details out in the open immediately so your date knows where you stand. But this plan is the quick road to disaster. Seriously, bashing the ex on date one? Don’t do it! Full disclosure does not create a coveted level of immediate intimacy. Right now, you are perfect to your date in every way. You won’t stay as such, and neither will he or she, but divulging all about your exes, your health, or otherwise right away, you’ve suddenly become a red flag waving all over the place – and kissed all chances of the second date goodbye. Oversharing or dissing your ex makes you look desperate and angry. Talk about the good stuff and show your best self to make yourself most attractive. Everyone’s got skeletons, but you don’t usher those suckers out of the closet until much later.

Depending on where you are in life, you may feel like you’ve run out of time to date. You want to hurry things up already and get to the point where marriage and kids are right around the corner. Here’s the thing – everything tastes better when it’s been allowed to marinate and become rich and delicious.

We’re talking the first and the second date here. There is no engagement ring or baby on the third date. Relationships take time and dating is a process… a process to be enjoyed every step of the way. If you stuff away unrealistic expectations, banish any negative attitudes, and adopt the idea that dating is a good time whether you’re looking for a one-night stand or a partner for life, you can go from date one to date two… and three, and four, and beyond. 

You’ve gotta look at yourself and see how you’re behaving. It’s easy to blame the other person for being a freak or having no taste, but when that date gets stale in the middle of dinner, look in the mirror too. Think about this – at the end of the day, the thing that really gets the second date is that you:

• Don’t spend your whole first date rolling around in your insecurities, wondering what’s next or if your date thinks you’re attractive.
• Know it’s possible to have a great first date. When the first date is fun, the second date comes naturally.
• Know that there’s someone out there for you and that you’re a great catch. You’re likeable when you’re not trying so hard.

We’re not saying it’s always you – we know full well it can easily be the other person – but if you want to really find a relationship worth cultivating, you’re the only crop you can successfully turn around for the better.