"Tristan Coopersmith - author of MENu Dating"
"Dating Made Delicious"

We're thrilled to present our interview with Tristan Coopersmith, author of the fabulous book MENu Dating (and our new favorite dating advice expert). She embodies the positive, empowered attitude necessary to not only find your match but to find your perfect match.

Tristan Coopersmith’s book (and attitude) is deeply insightful while being incredibly upbeat (everyone appreciates their dating advice with a bit of sweet and savory, are we right?). This dating how-to is filled with great strategies to turn your dating life from something you dread and loathe into the fun (yes, we said fun), exciting, interesting process it can be. Bravo, Tristan! MENu Dating is a must-read for all the singles out there who are looking for a way to enjoy the journey to love.

We adore this fabulous gal and couldn’t give her a higher endorsement. As we say here at Dating Inspiration Online, “It’s how you see yourself. Embrace the flaws.” Tristan Coopersmith has proved our point tenfold. Embrace the flaws you see in yourself, in others, in being single, and in dating, and you’ll be on your way to the life you want. We know you will glean amazing tips and fresh ideas about how to approach dating, the single life, and the path to finding love through MENu Dating.

But start here first… this interview is not to be missed. And don’t be surprised if, by the end of it, you find yourself beginning to develop a whole new attitude about the world of dating.

DIO: Tell us, how is it that you came to write MENu Dating?
Tristan Coopersmith: Once upon a time, my BFF Todd and I bestowed the responsibility of dating coach upon one another. In a grand social experiment, for 90 days we vowed to serve as each other’s compass in the dating jungle. We would do nothing– from who to date and what to wear to what to write in an email and when to sleep with someone and everything in between - without the other’s approval. We deciphered man/woman speak for each other, forced each other to go on dates with three+ different people per week, role played conversations and so on.  We dated lively and largely and what was to last 90 days lasted three and a half years! MENu Dating is the result of what I learned.

DIO: In MENu Dating, at one point you say to expect nothing in the beginning. “Not only does that protect you, men will be attracted to your lack of neediness and want to get to know you more than if you throw your innermost feelings on the table right off the bat.” How did you personally learn that lesson?
Tristan Coopersmith: Guys can be very primitive in their dating behavior. Simply they like the chase and in a world filled with prematurely clingy women (which they tend to not be attracted to), meeting one who feels secure enough in herself to let the relationship unravel organically, is refreshing… and intriguing. What is more important than feeding into what may seem like a juvenile game though, is the idea of dating in the present, not the future.

Dating in a future fantasy has a lot of negative ramifications such as not seeing a guy for who he really is because you are so desperate to have him measure up to your fantasy, potentially scaring away the guy (i.e. inviting him to your cousin’s wedding six months from your second date) and romanticizing reality so if the relationship doesn’t pan out after say a few weeks your fall is harder because you’ve been imagining a deeper commitment. It can never hurt to give a guy a few test drives before giving him your heart – that’s what he’s doing which is why if it doesn’t work out, he’s not face-deep in a box of cookies mourning the loss.

DIO: You have an amazingly healthy, optimistic attitude toward dating. How did you manage to cultivate that?
Tristan Coopersmith: It’s simple really – I just looked at the alternative. Having a pessimistic attitude keeps you cooped up at home watching bad reality TV when you should be out dating. Not to mention, it makes you undateable – no one wants to date someone who doesn’t believe in love! The way I see it, at the very worst, you will learn something about yourself, guys in general, or at least have a funny story to entertain your girlfriends with… all of which trump sitting at home in your bunny slippers making out with your DVR. 

Further, I know that great things in life aren’t achieved easily – they take effort. I never expected the cherry on top of my sundae to just waltz into my life with a sign saying, “I’m here, let’s dance off into happily ever after now.” Arriving at true love is meant to be a journey – you have to go through a lot of experiences to prepare you for the responsibility of it – it's no joke – it’s the greatest treasure you will ever find, but you have to be ready to take care of it when you do – that’s what dating does – if you do it right – it trains you - it's like boot camp.

DIO: We love that you put yourself through dating boot camp and went into it with the attitude that every date and experience can teach you something new and worthwhile. Share with us one of your worst (or most humorous) dates, and how you spun that experience into a positive.
Tristan Coopersmith: OMG, where to begin, there have been so many hilarious dates… dates that just made me wonder, “Who raised these guys?!” The thing is when you open yourself up to dating – truly open yourself up, you never know what you might get – for better or for worse. 

One date that comes to mind, the guy managed to do everything wrong. From showing up an hour late – his excuse being the game he was watching on TV went into double overtime (the only reason I waited it out was because I ran into someone I knew there), to excusing himself to take a call during dinner for 15 minutes (his ex girlfriend needed to talk) to “forgetting” his wallet which he just happen to realize after we got the $120 check (the restaurant for which he picked). Next he suggested we go bar hopping (hello – on my dime?!) whereby I suggested we get his wallet and he agreed. When we arrived at the first bar, guess who was there? His gorgeous ex-girlfriend ready to cry on his shoulder. We ordered a round of drinks and Mr. Cashless ran his credit card which big shocker, declined so I had the honor of buying him and his ex a drink. She pounded it and then walked out. 

Now I mention in my book that one date was so ridiculous it resulted in me spontaneously pulling him into Barnes & Noble and purchasing a copy of Dating for Dummies. This was the guy. Harsh perhaps but I couldn’t help myself. I knew this guy would date beyond me and on behalf of all women I had to do my part in at least trying to clean him up a bit! It certainly ended my night with a laugh and a good deed done I’d like to think.

Do you have a crazy first-date story that can trump Tristan's?
Share it with us and you may see it on our site (anonymity permitted).

DIO: You tell women to “find your cleavage” and push their most wonderful assets up and out… because, let’s face it, there’s more to women than just boobs. We couldn’t agree more. How would you suggest a woman go about determining her individual cleavage quotient?
Tristan Coopersmith: Three ways. 1) Look within. If you had to pitch yourself – what quality would close the sale? What would have everlasting shelf-life? 2) Now ask your girlfriends what their favorite thing about you is – they certainly won’t say your long legs or shiny hair. What about you makes you a great friend. 3) Finally ask your guy friends if you were wearing an oversized sweat suit and a ski mask, what would make you beautiful to them. What is that thing about you that shines so brightly on the inside it bubbles out to the outside?

DIO: We have strong opinions about sex early in relationships and believe it requires a solid self-esteem, healthy motives, and a certain level of maturity. Tell us your take on the art of the one-night stand (and why you think every girl should have at least one).
Tristan Coopersmith: Just like dating teaches invaluable lessons about what you need emotionally in a relationship, it is also important to learn about your physical needs. One night stands can be liberating, empowering – that time you try out the trick you read about in Cosmo or just take a break from your battery operated friend. That said, one night stands are not meant for everyone. As you say, sex, especially early on requires solid self-esteem, maturity and healthy motives. 

If you are opening your legs because you think that will open his heart, increase your chances for a second date and so on, that is not the reason to have sex on the first night, or the second or third for that matter (because come on – how much better do you know someone at that point… and sex doesn’t guarantee you any more then, than it does on the first night). 

Some women will never be able to engage in a one hit wonder – they may want to in theory because it sounds exciting – which it can be, but some women no matter what, get their heart entangled. In these cases, one night stands should be forbidden because they leave them depleted – they are simply self-destructive behavior. But if you, I repeat YOU want it and there are no strings attached, then I say go for it. My book includes an in-depth risk vs. reward evaluation model that helps determine if this arrangement is something you can handle, healthfully.

DIO: We offer pretty strong advice about not falling in love with an online dating profile and liken online dating to pre-dating, meaning that true chemistry cannot be determined by drooling over a profile photo. We sense you share this same philosophy. What other advice would give about online dating?
Tristan Coopersmith: I absolutely agree. Additionally, I say don’t digitally stalk a guy. While I am pro-online dating, the downside is that some online daters replace traditional courting with profile stalking. What used to take three months of dinner dates to get to know someone’s fave movies, all about their family and so on, now takes an intense 15 minute profile treasure hunt. But if you are tempted, don’t lead on to the fact that you know his entire family tree – it will come across as really creepy. 

Further, be honest on your profile (i.e. use current, non-photoshopped pics, if you tried surfing once, that doesn’t make you a surfer). Leave mystery on your profile – this is not your autobiographical tell-all… think cliffhanger… give it a tantalizing taste to whet a prospective guy’s appetite but reason enough for him to want to meet the book in person. Show your profile to a few guy friends – if they wouldn’t date you, revise it. Don’t limit your dating techniques exclusively to online – the whole world is one dating playground – don’t be lazy.

DIO: You write in MENu Dating that dating is about as scientific as shopping. Most women don’t feel it’s that easy… or enjoyable. In fact, dating can feel like downright torture to some. How can women come to love man-shopping as much as shoe-shopping?
Tristan Coopersmith: It is all in your attitude. If you go out with the expectation that I’m going to find the perfect man/shoe, you might be let down. But if you go out thinking I’m going to have fun, I’m going to try some things on that appeal to me and maybe something will fit that I want to wear for awhile, you won’t be disappointed – instead you will be pleasantly surprised. 

Also, when you think about your most successful shopping adventures, they aren’t usually when you are looking for something in particular (i.e. formal wear for an event) – they are usually when you are casually shopping for fun and you just stumble upon something too good to be true – it’s the same with dating. When you have a relaxed attitude – the attitude that you are going out fishing, not catching per se, that is when you strike gold… which explains why you can, if you are hanging up an open for business sign, meet great guys at the bank, the car wash, at a grocery store check out. Cupid doesn’t just strike in bars.

DIO: Indulge us. Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Switzerland and why?
Tristan Coopersmith: Team Switzerland. They are both too hi-shine for me. I think imperfection is what makes someone perfect – “flaws” give a man character.

DIO: We’re women and we love compliments. What’s your favorite message from Dating Inspiration Online?
Tristan Coopersmith: Actually what I love most about Dating Inspiration Online is how you serve up your messages. Your delivery is honest and thought-provoking, even when a little hard to swallow, spiked with just the right dose of humor – the perfect prescription for dating advice.

DIO: What’s your best love advice in 20 words or less?
Tristan Coopersmith: Love is a journey most successfully arrived at when put on an experience line, not a timeline. Live the ride.

If we could, we would read Tristan’s book to you page by page. Obviously, we endorse what she has conveyed (and ultimately lived by) in MENu Dating. If you're single, interested in finding the right person, and need an attitude adjustment absolutely follow in Tristan's footsteps (if you don’t think you need an adjustment, that might be your first clue that you do).

MENu Dating will teach you how to taste-test your way to your main course, enjoying all the appetizers along the way. Attitude is everything. Don’t forget it. To learn more about Tristan Coopersmith and her book, visit her website.

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